All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
