I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
