I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
