"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
