im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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