nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
