Everything about him screamed your future.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
