I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
