I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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