I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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