after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
