Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
