Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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