Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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