Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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