apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
