Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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