i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
