Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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