I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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