A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
