K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
