hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I did not marry a roomba.
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