If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
