Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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