So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
