I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
wow bdsm is so cute
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
