Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Randomize
