This is not my ceiling
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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