If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
