Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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