Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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