She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize