...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
