I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
