my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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