there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
