I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
