I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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