"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
