Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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