It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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