you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
