I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
