dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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