I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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