I CAN MOONWALK!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
