VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I faked an abortion last night.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize