Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
