she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
