Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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