You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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