Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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