high people should be assigned attendants
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
