the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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