i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
