Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
