She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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