he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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