would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
