He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
