I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
