I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
