I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
