It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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