Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
