im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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