Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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