If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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